You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
