Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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