your thong is hanging out like whoa
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
