You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
