She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I puked a lego.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
