Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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