So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
