I want to make a zoo with you.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
