you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
