it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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