I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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