Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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