This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
