all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
