im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
