i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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