you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
