it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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