remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
