WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
