There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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