i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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