i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
