Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My vagina just clenched in fear
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
