I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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