Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
