from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
