My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
