Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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