If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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