I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
