I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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