It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
