no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
