Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Dicks are not precious.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
