She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
