Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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