If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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