We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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