I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
