If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
