My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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