even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
