i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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