i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
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