He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
