Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
