I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
birth control should be required to get into college
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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