My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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