guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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